Creating has always been something I have been searching to do. I constantly want to make something. I’ve gotten better at listening to my internal voice, but it is still hard to know what to create. When I was a kid, a wrote a lot. Like, I have so many notebooks filled with my writing. It’s cringeworthy and fun to look back at. However, writing creatively wasn’t enough for me. I longed to create visual art.
Visual arts had been something I really admired from afar for a long time. I couldn’t draw or sculpt very well, or so I thought(practice makes progress). I loved taking photographs, but something about it gave me this impostor syndrome. I felt like a fraud, honestly. And I wasn’t sure of myself all of the time. It was exhausting. I felt mocked; sometimes it was directly mocking, others it was indirect, with me being the exception. It became exhausting navigating experimentation with sellability. In retrospect, I didn’t have a direction with my photography to develop one distinct style. Over time, I think my “style” has still been this warm, Wes Anderson-y glow that I try to infuse into my photographs without changing the exact colors too much. I loved every single wedding I was blessed to do. Every single one taught me a valuable lesson, as well as people who wanted to share their families with me and friends willing to collaborate. I don’t wanna seem like I’m ungrateful for my time where my main focus was photography; I’m eternally grateful! I wouldn’t be who I am if I didn’t at one point carry a camera with me at all times. I guess now I still do, except it’s a bit more discreet in my phone.
Technological advances in photography also had me wrestling with my emotions as an image maker, image taker. I love film, but its increasing unavailability and having to send my film became a little bit expensive. I feel as long phone camera technology advances, I’ll be satisfied creating mobile images, fleeting moments often overlooked. People still ask me what the hell I’m doing. Just creating images, y’know?
If you wanna see how else I’m occupying my time, click that “Video” link up above for some prop manipulation. I’ll get more into that another time.